Gifts of Fifty

I love the idea of fifty, because the best is yet to come. I am going to live to be one-hundred, because I want to, and I am going to go on learning...This has been the best year of my life - Shirley MacLaine

I want to talk about being in my fifties. It surprises the hell out of me, quite frankly, that I've reached this age. When I looked at my mother in her fifties, she struck me as growing old. Recently, I showed my daughter a picture of her grandmother at age fifty-five. When I asked how old she thought her grandmother was in that picture, she said, "Eighty." My mother was heavier in her body than I, and in her thinking as well. By sixty-one she was dead from a heart attack. Now that I'm in my mid-fifties, the surprise is that I'm here, and that I'm healthy. I guess that's why I took the tagline, "It's not about Age...It's about Attitude." At this age, attitude goes a long way.

It's not just the physical, but the mental attitude as well. At this age, I don't apologize for my existence anymore, and I don't care what other people think of me. What I think of myself is far more important. There is freedom to reaching this age that wasn't there before, and I guess that's why Fearless Fifties appealed to me.

Being Fearless is not the absence of fear, but the choices and decisions we take as a result of facing our fears.

This is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. I am not Fearless, but I can step up to the challenges of my life with the courage to face whatever it is I need to face. Recently, I attended a motivational training that included going out into the streets and asking for money without giving any reason why people should give me it. You can imagine what kind of fear that evoked for me and for the two hundred plus attendees who were part of this experience. But I took the experience on and at the end of the night I had raised $38. It wasn't much, but it wasn't about the money, it was about my ability to face the fear of asking for what I wanted. (At that conference, a total of $20,000 was raised from strangers and it all went to Make A Wish Foundation. The power of asking for what you want is extraordinary.)

Several years ago, Susan Jeffers wrote a book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and that's exactly what I've been doing. I hadn't heard of the book until I started doing the work I'm doing, but that's exactly what I needed to do. As I approached these strangers to ask for money, I thought: be yourself. That's all you can do. In my younger years, there was no chance I would have ever undertaken this, but I have done lots of other things that would have made some people cringe at the thought. At the time, I wasn't sure if it was courageous or stupid-probably a mixture of both.

So the wisdom of the years gives people a certain advantage in confronting challenges from having earned the certificates of courage to get to where they are today. They have developed Att!tude. I like being in midlife. It is a tremendously fulfilling and freeing time if you are willing to take the steps through the jungle of chaos and confusion that sometimes dominate your thinking.

When I reached midlife and plunged into redefining of myself again, I had no idea my experience would pave the way for Fearless Fifties, the motivational coaching movement uniquely tailored to my sister travelers of this human experience. Looking at it now, this makes perfect sense. Fifty is an amazing milestone. Sure, there are black balloons and birthday cards denouncing the BIG 5-0, but none of that plays in my neighborhood. That kind of thinking has to be thrown out the window if we are going to live the life we deserve. Fifty is a celebration of freedom-it reminds me of a saying I heard somewhere, "When I was thirty, I worried what people thought of me. When I was forty, I didn't give a damn what people thought about me. When I was fifty, I realized no one was thinking about me in the first place." In other words, this is personal. Gone are the self-conscious, am-I-good-enough attitudes. Fifty brings a fresh perspective to life, one that a younger woman just can't fake. To reach fifty is to tuck five decades of wisdom and experience into your pocket.

In our twenties and thirties, our baby- boomer generation made great strides for women, and in our forties, we began to believe there would be more equality, more respect, and a more fulfilling life for ourselves and our daughters. We boomers have accomplished much, but there is more to do. There is still inequality in so many places, and sexism is still rampant in politics and corporations. But at this time of life, we are stepping into something new. We are creating a unique paradigm of aging. We are moving up in our advancing years with a strength and vitality that has never been seen before. We are healthy, fully engaged in the world, and anticipate years of activity and celebration. This generation has always believed we can be much more than other people think we are. We are the first generation to truly embrace, in large numbers, the concept that we really can have it all, and that we can change the world. Of course, the world may not have bowed down to our self-confidence, but nevertheless, we keep on keeping on (as we were fond of saying).

In this culture, there is a deep-seated belief that menopausal women have left their vital years behind. They may no longer be seen as procreative beings cheerfully bringing their progeny into the world, but those who think that way miss the undeniable fact that creativity is more deeply rooted than a biological ability to create children. The spark that lives in everyone is finally finding free expression at this age. At this age, we are more creative, more passionate, and more deeply committed to changing the world than ever before because we are free of the constraints of procreation and lives defined by family and career.

Moving through the jungle of life and entering menopause, we must
acknowledge and understand the incredible power we hold in our hands. We must destroy the myth that we are old, used up, and destined to slip quietly into that dark night.

We boomers are strong, vibrant, and powerful women who are just beginning to figure out what we are really made of. As women, we have borne children, taken care of the family, supported partners and parents, and kept communities alive and vibrant. These are our gifts to the world, and in our fifties, the gift we give ourselves is to use these strengths to live our best lives NOW. We have not only earned it, we deserve it, and must honor and respect who we are in the world so we can continue to give to others in a meaningful way.

The world is consumed with violence and injustice, and as I write this book, the economy of the United States has fallen apart and it is in the worst crisis of this century to date. It is abundantly clear that what is needed is strong leadership with clear thinking and a focus on healing a world that is in transition. Like all change, it will improve, and my hope is that you are reading this at a time when that change is evident. The world needs people who are skilled at organization, diplomacy, nurturing, decision-making, scheduling, budgeting, and crisis management. It is precisely those skills that have allowed women to endure through the ages. These are the skills you learn as you mature, and if there is any doubt in anyone's mind about who to hire to make the turnaround, ask me. Yes, we women have the answers. It is the female brain and wisdom that will make the difference. The chaos of today will be healed by the wisdom of women who are now in midlife. We are the pioneers in this process. When we bring together our collective wisdom there is no telling what miracles we can perform.

As life expectancies increase with improved nutrition and healthcare, fifty is not the old age it was considered to be a while back. You've heard people say, forty is the new thirty...fifty is the new forty... Well, I just think fifty is finally what it should have been all along. Look at Hollywood and the media. Finally, there are some gorgeous fifty-something leading ladies, and commercials featuring beauty in many shapes, ages, and skin tones. As Boomers hit fifty, we are demanding to be given a fair shot at the second half of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

Even in this liberated society, many women's roles just sort of fall into place without a lot of planning for these later empty-nesting, menopausal, personal-purpose-seeking years. For many women reaching fifty, there is a unique freedom attached-the children are raised, our health is strong, we have five decades of experience and wisdom invested, and we are filled with a courage we had never even considered before now.

Women who are fifty-years-old have reached a time when their understanding of the world is fairly solid. Gone are the whimsical musings of a younger day when happiness was based on reaching achievements that were designated by other people. Fifty means I no longer ride the roller coaster of high energy/low energy. Things have settled down inside my body and mind. My focus is strong, my expectations are much more reasonable than in the past, and my reliance on other people has diminished.

Getting to know yourself, examining your life, and questioning everything
is easy to avoid or delay when there are corporate ladders to climb,
bills to pay, and children to raise.
But if you don't start now, when will you start?

Many sudden changes can bring you to the point of no return-that place where you realize you are on the verge of something big, you have no choice, it is time to grow through and beyond your fears. And make no mistake, this can be a terrifying time for many women as they confront their aging bodies, their realization that life is taking a different turn as children leave home, relationships change, and careers start to wind down.

Perhaps that point will come for the career-focused woman whose position is downsized, leaving her with the feeling she is between serving fast-food breakfasts or greeting shoppers at a mega-store. You can laugh at the image, but it is a reality for many. Fifty-something is not a fun time to try to find employment, and the corporate ladder may have been lifted out of reach. Men and women alike are facing ageism with alarming frequency. Young people are perceived to be quicker, higher in energy, better educated, and often paid less. What's not to prefer? However, the steady, focused, and loyal work of an experienced employee cannot be replaced as readily as your former employers may think, and many are beginning to understand that. But this is also an opportunity to spend time with yourself and take a look at the life you lead. For many, it is a time to take stock, to look at what the purpose in life is, and to think about giving something back.

This is also a time when some may choose to downsize their own lives. One woman left her successful corporate position and just disappeared for months. She sent holiday cards to her former colleagues and informed them she was living in a mobile home, working with an animal rescue foundation, and had never been happier. Midlife is the perfect time to seize the day, whatever that means to your situation.

There are many who do not need any big event to wake them up; no job loss, midlife divorce, or suddenly empty nest. For some, an alarm inside just rings and says it is time to get to know yourself and build the life you are meant to have. It is time, time for you. I like to say that boomers are putting some LIFE into their midlife.

It is not the end of the physical body that should worry you. Rather, your concern must be to live while you're alive-to release your inner self from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a faade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what you are.
-Elizabeth Kubler Ross.

Make a pledge to yourself right now that you will discover who you really are.

The preceding has been an excerpt from The Fearless Factor: Thriving Beyond the Jungle of Life by Jacqueline Wales available at http://www.fearlessfifties.com

Human behavior expert Jacqueline Wales is considered by many to be the Fearless lady. Her unique programs have helped women around the globe develop strong personal success, confident communication and clear visions of their goals. She is the author of The Fearless Factor: Thriving Beyond the Jungle of Life; When The Crow Sings, a semi-autobiographical novel, as well as several other compilations. She is also the host of her radio show Fearlessly Speaking on Achieve Radio. To find out more go to http://www.fearlessfifties.com and pick up your free introduction to The 10 Healthy Habits of Fun, Fearless People.