The most important thing in life is love. The security of a loving relationship is perhaps the most wonderful thing than a man and a woman can experience in his or her lifetime.
Love has often been compared to money in that, if you have an ample supply of love, you dont think about it very much, but if you supply is cut off for any period of time you think about nothing else.
Everything we do in life is either to get love or compensate for the lack of love. Our greatest need as a human being is to be loved, accepted and understood completely and unconditionally by at least one other person.
If an individual is going to become all he or she is capable of becoming he, or she must do everything possible to build and maintain a loving relationship with another person. This includes listening, expressing gratitude and appreciation, treating the other person with kindness, courtesy, gentleness, patience and above all tolerance.
The best thing that can ever happen to you in life is for you to evolve and develop personally to the point where you attract into your life the ideal loving relationship that enables you to create the happiness that you were meant to enjoy.
Finding your ideal mate is one thing, but keeping the relationship together is a different challenge. Based on my work with thousands of individuals and couples over the years I have found that there are six keys to success in relationships:
1. Youll always be the happiest and most compatible with another person whose interests, tastes and values are similar to yours. You will always be the most attracted to a person whose fundamental underlying attitudes and values are in harmony with your own. This is especially true when it comes to money; how it is earned, saved and spent. Also important are attitudes with regard to children; whether or not to have them and how to raise them. Attitudes toward sex, religion and politics are equally important.
2. Nature demands balance, harmony and peace. Where balance is most necessary is in the area of temperament between two people. For example, there must be an equal ebb and flow in conversation where there is equal time in talking and listening. If this is not the case, eventually one of the partners will seek his or her need for communication elsewhere. Studies show that lack of communication is one of the most common causes for affairs in marriages and eventual break-ups. You must be conversationally compatible with your partner to have a successful relationship.
3. There must be total commitment to the relationship on the part of both parties. This requires a heartfelt determination on the part of both people to make the relationship successful. A total commitment means that neither party ever considers or discusses the possibility of separating, breaking-up or divorcing. If there is the slightest hesitation or misunderstanding in creating or supporting every
opportunity for the other person to grow and develop you may have a relationship but not a loving one.
4. You must genuinely like your partner. Its much more important and satisfying to genuinely like your partner than to be in love. In a long-term relationship people fall in and out of love, so the amount of emotion that each person feels may vary with the passage of time. If two people like and respect each other the relationship will endure indefinitely despite emotional ups and downs. You must know and feel without a shadow of a doubt that your partner or spouse is your best friend. Studies show that couples that have taken the time to become friends first and have fallen in like as opposed to fallen in love, are usually the relationships that are the happiest stand the test of time.
5. You will always tend to be attracted to and be the most happy with the person who has a similar self-concept to yours. You will be the happiest with a person who is as positive as you are. The general tone of a relationship, the level of optimism versus the negativity is a very good indication of the compatibility of self-concepts. For example, if two people get into a relationship where one person is happier or more negative than the other, then, the optimal conditions will exist for all kinds of unhappiness and conflict to happen in their relationship.
6. Good communication is the number one reason for success in relationships and marriages. On the other hand, poor communication is number one reason for the failure of relationships and marriages. In order to have a good level of communication in a relationship there must be a high quantity and quality of unbroken time with each other. Couples need to get away, alone together and just spend long stretches of time keeping the communication channels open. Whenever two people get so busy that they stop taking time to talk there are guaranteed troubles ahead.
You should make every effort to build a long loving relationship within which you can live indefinitely, but if it doesnt work out, have the courage and character to accept that nothing in life is ever perfect.
The most important thing in life to always remember is that you can never make anyone else happy by suffering unhappiness yourself. Only happy people can make others happy. Never sacrifice your happiness to try to make someone else happy. If you do, youll end up achieving neither your own happiness, nor the happiness of the other person.
Have the honesty within yourself to accept that the kindest thing you can ever do for someone else is to achieve your own happiness. If you do that youll be living true to yourself and true to the most important people in your life.
Copyright2007 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and success coaching programs. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in career coach training. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many businesses around the world, on the subjects of leadership, achievement, goals, strategic business planning, and marketing. Joe is the author of three books, Starting Your Own Business, Finding Your Purpose In Life, and The Guerrilla Marketing Workbook.
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